


grow up and blow away

by kaptivated



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Growing Up, Loneliness, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, happy halloween here's some depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 01:10:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16483202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaptivated/pseuds/kaptivated
Summary: The painful reality is this: Ouma can never be a child anymore.





	grow up and blow away

Ouma thinks it's terrifying how thoughtless he has become.  
  
He still remembers how he used to spend every waking moment dissecting _something_ in his brain, always keeping himself occupied with the next thing. He had to be a step ahead, always. Ten steps ahead, preferably.  
  
It gave him some vague sense of relief to know that he had thought through all possible outcomes and therefore could never be caught off-guard, but honestly, he just wanted his brain to shut up. He was tired, always tired, but he could never stop. And the truth was that for all his thinking, there were still so many things out of his control... What was the point?  
  
In a moment of vulnerability, he'd told as much to his former classmate at a Halloween party.

  
  
_My head's always filled with complicated thoughts._  
  
The two of them, alone, in the corner of a stuffy room. The rumble of bass and conversation booming through the walls. The scent of sweat and alcohol pervading his mind. Saihara inched closer with intent, and for once, Ouma didn't back away.  
  
_It would be nice to stop thinking for a while._  
  
Saihara obliged him with his lips.

  
  
Ouma touches them absentmindedly now, faded eyes facing the hotel window but seeing nothing at all. They're cracked and bleeding.  
  
Why is he remembering that night? Now, of all times...  
  
He crawls into bed like a zombie in its grave, wraps himself up and blinks, slowly. The low hum of the heater grows louder and louder and it just won't shut up. Glancing over at the empty queen bed opposite the bedside drawer, Ouma suddenly realizes.  
  
He has an interview in less than 10 hours that he has not prepared for. He is travelling alone, thousands of miles away from home, stuck in a pristine, reimbursed room for two. Tomorrow, he must dress cleanly, check out of the hotel in a timely manner, present himself as the bright and charming candidate he's written on paper, but he's not ready, he's not ready, he's not ready --  
  
He's an adult now. He needs to act like one.  
  
What a horrible mistake he's made. How very unlike himself, to not plan ahead. The graduated Ultimate should be a master in leading people by the nose, and yet he's let himself plant face-first into the dirt.  
  
It's because Ouma can't face the reality that he can never be a child anymore.  
  
The worst thing about growing up is realizing that all the times you took for granted will never come back. He remembers how Saihara would try so hard to pry into his life, grasping for any hints on what was going on in his mind. Back then, Ouma had stubbornly refused to let anyone near, and now...  
  
They've all graduated from Hope's Peak now. Ouma has no excuse to be with Saihara anymore.  
  
One sloppy makeout session in senior year is too little, too late. Ouma wishes he had let go sooner. Saihara must be sick of trying to understand a lost cause like him by now.  
  
He checks the time -- 11:14pm, Wednesday October 31. It's been a year since his first kiss. He's scared it will be his last.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing this mess on Halloween night in a hotel by myself because I am anxious about my interview tomorrow ahahaha adulting sure is the best
> 
> btw, I think that as an Ultimate, normally you wouldn't have any trouble getting a job and could probably skip all this interviewing stuff, but I feel like Ouma would go through all the normal steps anyway because skipping to the end is no fun


End file.
